The Adventurer's Shoppe

Annual Customer Satisfaction Survey

Thank you everyone for taking the Shoppe's survey!
The response have been overwhelming to say the least, though some seem to have taken the opportunity to inventory their less polite vocabulary in order to complete the survey.

Nevertheless, below is a sampling of your responses and thoughts;

"You pepel ar de BEAST!!! I come in to your Shopp and Wowkza! I have an sword that my granpa lost when he was et by some Gref griph dammn lizzurd! What a great way to go! Have you seen granny? she was with him when he was et, but we think she was too stringy to be et too, maybe she's sold already, then I wants 50 present for I was family!"

Well, we do strive to please, and no, we have neither seen nor sold your grandmother.

Thank you so much for sending me your weapons catalogue! I love the smell and feel of a new catalogue! And you give your merchandise such lovely names too! I really liked 'Morning Star'! It's such a romantic, cuddly little name! I ordered two at once, so I could have one by each cheek! I only have one complaint: It's a Big Cold Iron Ball with Spikes for crying out loud!!!

What to say... Madam, I would point out that we sell weaponry from the weapons catalogue. While I can imagine the lure of cute names, weapons are by their nature very seldom 'cuddly', if we leave the camels out of the discussion for now. May I suggest you order a few dwarves? They come newly shaved.

My brother bought one of your dragonscale armor suits, and now he's charcoal!
I want another or you'll all have a nasty accident with my sword!

Two things to sort out here, I believe;
Our dragonscale armor is made from Black dragon scales, which means it is heat resistant. Not that it dispells heat in any way.
Another suit can be arranged, if that is what you mean, but we do not trade in brothers.

We have employed your services for the past decade, and may I say that your skills and catalogue have improved steadily over the years. There is no task we have set before you which you have not fulfilled to our complete satisfaction! And this year you have War Camels! Wonderful! I get so sick when I have to travel by boat, something to do with that horrible rocking motion I'm told. Please send a dozen immediately!

A satisfied customer! As we deserve.

You have the best weapons me have ever seen! Why are they so "#%&{&" expensive? This here scribe who is writing this for me say they should be free for the taking for all the proud Orcs such as yourself sir!

It is our belief that evolution, pity, and air is wasted on Orcs.

Oafs! Just because a female warrior is no longer the lithe and slender woman she were 15 yrs ago, having traded that for experience and guile, there is no need to resort to namecalling and strange mimicry!
I never expected the outrage I was subjected to in your clothes department, when your so called tailor tried to take my mesurements for some garment. I tell you here and now, that if that insufferable little twit ever mentions outlying regions in my presence again, I shall sit on him!

Madam, I think I remember you. You're the one with the equator and a little orbiting kitten, aren't you?

[Arthur B. DeJean, esq.]
Dear Sir!
When I visited with Your 'Shoppe' the other week, I was sorely ambushed by a man (as I believe the case may be) who, noting my slightly startled reaction, proceeded to treat me as a common wimp, saying things along the lines of "Whadda we 'ave 'ere then? A poshy One, eh? Lookin' fo' summin' Specially nobby p'raps?"
I can stand a challenging and stressful situation as well as the next man, but I have to object to Your employing thugs such as this one! The man had only a loincloth! And a small one at that -it hardly deserves to be called a loinnapkin!
Arthur B. DeJean, esq.

I do hope you found something worthwhile in our other departments, but Gehrt, our janitor, is a good solid worker who never ventures outside of the garbage room, except for his evenings off.
Furthermore, his clothing is an item of religious importance, and we pray daily that it will not dissolve furter.

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